dating standards

When Dating, Keep Your Personal Standards Personal

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Having personal standards is great. But, there’s a point when having standards does more harm than good.

It does more harm when your personal standards are no longer personal. It’s when you let the man in your life know that you’re not comprising, you have standards and expectations, and you’re not settling and yadda yadda.

Now, I’m not being dismissive here, because I get it. You have to have a vision and allow it to lead you.

But consider this. A few weeks ago I was speaking with a client who desires a Godly man. Through our coaching, I helped my client to see that she was putting the responsibility on the man to keep her holy, rather than taking personal responsibility.

In the video Every Woman’s Battle That Pushes Love Away, I shared the conflict we experience due to our desire to be seen and our fear of being seen. It goes deeper for women of faith because there’s a conflict of wanting to be desired and carrying the moral obligation to flee from temptation.

Being a woman worth having requires personal leadership. When I was on the dating market, I remember revealing to men that I didn’t want to have sex.

Then, after a minute, I’d be sexually intimate.

I felt like a flake. I felt guilt.

And, I felt shame because what I discovered is that when like us don’t keep our commitments and to keep our word, it cheapens us.

Then, I started to play the games that we women play to avoid asserting ourselves. I blamed, I relinquished my power, and I played the sufferer.

I was hiding and playing small until I got empowered through God’s word and started operating within my own influence.

Here’s the lesson for you.

Instead of obligating men to meet your standards, put them in choice. That way, you can inspire action versus demand it.

Here’s what I did and what you can do to.

Once I made the decision that I was going to honor God with my body, I shared that vision with the man in my life at that time. Naturally, he was suspicious and skeptical.

To ease his heart, I shared my VISION, not my expectation. I shared what it meant for me and I invited him to join. I took the pressure off and gave him an out.

He joined me. For more details and examples, watch the video above.

I went from a disempowered, game-playing woman to becoming a woman with skills to be empowered to speak her piece and influence her man to join the journey.

You can develop the confidence and capacity to create this level of influence with men too.

If you’re READY to prioritize love and you’d like to explore which steps in my 6-Step Method will quickly move you towards your love vision, schedule a call, and let’s explore if my approach is right for you.

To your enhancement,

Monique

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