How to Get a Man to Commit WITHOUT Giving an Ultimatum

How to determine the future with a man WITHOUT giving an ultimatum

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Commitment is given to the woman who requires it. And you can determine the future of a relationship without giving an ultimatum by coming from a place of both warmth and invitation. You want to come from a place of power and femininity because this is where you get to create. It’s less manipulation, less control, less making demands and all that good stuff and instead, you get to create invitation.

You get to invite a man to journey with you. And when you do that, not only do you nurture his masculine need, you also get what you want because you have created an opportunity for him to please you.

Here’s an example of what this looks like because I had gotten an email from a woman in the Feminine Allure™ community and she’s with somebody and she doesn’t really know where she stands.

And so, this just reminded me of the time where I knew that … with my husband, before having gotten engaged, I knew that he had a vision and a plan for us and I felt like it wasn’t happening fast enough.

Here’s the thing, before you get into expressing yourself, you have to get clear on what’s your endgame. What’s your outcome?


For me, I was living with the man before marriage and that created a lot of chaotic vibration within me because I did something that I said that I would never do. So, for me, there was a sense of self-abandonment and self-betrayal within that act. And, this is where I got to lean into love and lean into that level of what was really uncomfortable for me, because it was something that I wasn’t used to.

Because of that, I decided that December 31st was my personal timeline. If nothing happened by that date, then I was out. We got engaged September 20th or 25th of 2014, I never even had to move out.

Here’s why I’m sharing this with you.

I’m sharing this because that was my personal timeline and your personal timeline is personal so you don’t want to share, you want to keep it personal. None of this, “Well, I’m gonna leave,” and I’m gonna do this if you don’t do it by that.”

No ultimatums. Send those scare tactics back to the nothingness where they belong.

Instead, you want to come from this place of both power and again, femininity.

When you do that, you create the invitation for him to journey with you. Something that I’ve said and something you can tap into is this, “is this really coming from a place of feeling?” How do you feel around the man?

For me, I felt protected. I felt loved. I felt feminine. I felt happy, I believed in him as a man. I really admired and respected his strength.

And at the same time, it was important for me to know that marriage was in our future, right? And I had to not be attached to the outcome. There’s a 50% chance that he could be down and also 50% chance that the man in your life may not be down, and that’s totally okay.

What you want to do is to be able to put that man in choice.

Here’s a template of what that can look like.

First, you speak all the great things about that man, you know, what you like about him, how he makes you feel. And then you say, “Listen, it’s really important for me to________” insert whatever the outcome is. “Marriage is really important to me.” “Having a family is really important to me.” “Being under the favor of God is really important to me, and so I want to do it right.”

Another example is this, “I want to be in a relationship and under God with my body. I understand that may not be what you want right now, but I wanted to let you know.”

And then you leave it at that.

You don’t want to go into convincing. You don’t want to go into control because that takes away your power. That takes you out of your power and your femininity because you begin to go into the masculine drive.

Again, the template is just basically that. Start with something good. Remember when you’re giving critical feedback, you want to give it like an Oreo, so you start with the softness, you give the feedback in the middle and then you end with something soft and sweet as well.

Again, this is just about coming from a place of what you want and understanding what your end goal is and what your desire is and not making this about him and what he’s not doing.

And then, after you have expressed yourself clearly, you want to observe. This is where you want to listen to his language.

  • Is he using inclusive language?
  • Is he talking about a vision and a future with you?
  • Are you even open to receiving it and hearing it, or do you kind of maybe even brush it off as a joke or something that might be said in jest? Because that doesn’t create the safety for him to commit.

If you have done all of those things, where you know that you have what it takes to create safety, and if you don’t know how to be able to do that, this is what I teach within the Feminine Allure Academy, which is my 12-month group coaching program, where I teach women how to spark desire, how to attract the right man, and really create that purposeful relationship and have the success mindset for that… like really believe that it’s possible for you going forward.

It’s about strengthening your mind and releasing those unwanted thoughts that don’t even serve you. Because I know that they come up. It happens to me all the time. It’s just a part of the human experience.

As a reminder, after you have expressed what you said, just sit back and watch and observe. Remember that you have a personal timeline so you want to keep that personal and then you just journey along your way, alright? You just journey along your way.

If you have any questions about this, go ahead and leave a comment below. I would love to see it.


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