When I speak to a lot of potential clients, I hear that you want a man who’s going to be your best friend. “Monique, I just want someone who’s my best friend.” And so today, I want to ask you, should your man be your best friend? And my thought is, probably not. Here’s why.
Now, let me just lay sort of a foundational framework. You do want someone that you actually like. Not that you love, but someone that you actually like, and someone who is a good friend for you, someone that you trust, someone that you feel there’s loyalty, and someone that you can see yourself building a life with, someone with whom you can be completely satisfied with that person as he is today.
So that if nothing ever changed for you, could you accept that person? And not tolerate him because there’s a difference between accepting a man and tolerating him.
What I’ve come to know is that a lot of the women that I speak to in the past, they have tolerated men, and so of course, it’s not going to really work in your favor. So this is where you get to be in choice.
Now, when it comes to having a your man as your best friend… well, the problem that I see with that is:
Number one, it creates the sense of entitlement, and this is where women can turn to really emasculate and sort of feminize men, because there’s so much that we want to talk about.
You know, we women are more detail-oriented creatures, and we like to talk, we want to know the details, we like to just give everything and talk about everything. You want somebody to take down your hair, and comb your hair, and do your toes, and all this stuff, and… well, I don’t know about taking down the hair, but maybe having your man polish your toes could be very, very romantic for you.
In my own experience, the men with whom I’ve been the best of friends with, there was really less of a romantic, lover feeling, and more of a brother feeling. And that doesn’t work for me.
So if that’s something that will work for you, know who you are and know where you are, and be fine with that. But if that’s not going to work for you because you want someone who is both compatible and exciting, who is your most perfect match, then the solution for you is to cultivate a sisterhood.
Because if your man is your best friend, a part of that a part of that is that, number one, if you want to tell him everything that’s going on with you in your day, and all this other stuff, he can be directly impacted by what you’re saying, and so some of that allure that you have can sort of diminish, because the mystique is lost.
Remember that warmth is what will attract people to you; that mystique and that mysteriousness is what will keep them engaged. And so, if you are just … If they know everything about you, and not to say you want to hold any secrets, but if everything that comes across your mind comes across your lips, and all of this stuff, it can really diminish that aspect of your femininity, and that aspect of attraction.
The beauty is that men like to get to know you. You have a gift offering that men can unwrap and unravel with care, with tenderness, with love, and so you present yourself as a gift. Think about that.
The solution is that you want to cultivate a sisterhood. You want to get you some really good confidants, women who can support you, women who can stand in agreement with you, women who are not impacted by what you’re saying, especially if you’re talking about your relationship, or how it’s going in the dating world.
I used to talk about my past relationships with the man in my life, and not that he necessarily saw me as a ho, but he was probably like, “Monique, what are you talking about? You need to get yourself together, because you’re all over the place.”
I don’t recommend that your man- that you have this idea- that he’s going to be your best friend. Sure, it can grow into that over time, but my understanding of best friends is that you share everything, you do everything, AND you have to have your life. One of my mentors says that you definitely want to “keep your life even though he’s in it.”
This is really important for you, so that you can learn how to love without losing yourself.
To your enhancement,
P.S. The countdown for Feminine Allure Academy is on. It’s my12 month signature system that helps single women of faith own their influence, attract the right man, and create a purposeful relationship. You can learn more RIGHT HERE.